I have been forced to pause. One of those life pauses, when you are forced to re-evaluate your entire life. Two things have happened.
First, my husband’s boss is married with three children (14, 11, and 8). His wife is 43 and had several cancerous brain tumors removed about 5 years ago. Shortly before Christmas, she started having speech and balance problems. They went to the doctor and found that there was another tumor, which they removed shortly after New Years. They wanted to perform a new procedure to make sure they got all of the cells out on March 10. When they arrived for the procedure, the doctor had the results of her latest MRI. The tumor had returned and was twice as big. They gave her 2-3 weeks to live. She is still alive, but sleeping most of the day. When she is awake, she is easily confused and experiences a myriad of physical problems.
Second, I went to my doctor for a follow-up to my surgery. He told me they found a small amount of cancer cells in my uterus tissue. He said that both the pathologist and an oncologist said, that based on the testing, they would not recommend further action since they had already removed my uterus. The tests on my cervix and ovaries came back clean. I will need to go back at the beginning of June for bloodwork and then again in September for bloodwork and a pelvic exam.
These two occurences have forced me to pause in the daily course of my life and think. Usually just random thoughts about my life, what I’ve done and where I’m going. I can feel my focus shifting, my responses changing, though I can’t pinpoint anything in particular. In the past few weeks, those who know me best have seen the change, though they don’t know the reasons for it. Well, except for my husband. They tell me I’m calmer and less angry. I think that’s a good thing.