Veiled…

I’m not sure if veiled is the right word, but it is what comes to mind.  I am so tired of the women in my department setting up meetings to talk about concerns that supposedly affect everyone when in reality, it is about me.  Does that make sense?  I tend not to make sense when I am angry.

We had a meeting because so we could “update” our caseloads and our class load for each class period.  I am the only one in my department that doesn’t have a homeroom which means that the others have mainly their homerooms all day.  Due to my OCD, I have a nice little chart printed that shows each hour with each student and what I teach them during that hour.  I have a copy in my room, the secretary in the office has a copy, the principal has a copy, and there is a copy in my sub folder.  Whenever a student is added or removed from my caseload, I adjust the printout and get a new copy to each place.  When they asked me to fill out yet another form for the office, I asked if I couldn’t just give them the printout (I also mentioned that the office already had a current form).  I was told no and not given a reason.  So, I sat down and wrote it out on the  form (not a nice looking, easy to follow form either – no lines, not enough space – I’m so critical).  Now, it has come to my attention that no one asked for this form.  It apparently is just the self-appointed department head’s way of keeping track of me.

I am so tired of this bullshit.  Yes, I swore.   I try not to swear, particularly in writing, but dammit, sometimes it is warranted and sometimes it just makes me feel better.  I hate my job.  No, I don’t hate my job.  I hate some of the people I work with.  I just wish, for once, that someone had the courage to just be honest with me.  Just tell me what you expect, want, need, etc.  I’m not a mean or hateful person.  I don’t have the energy to hold a grudge so there’s no worry of that.  I want to be helpful and I want to be successful.  I am not a ladder climber, either socially or professionaly.  I think this goes back to being raised with 2 brothers and neighborhood full of boys.  I have always been more comfortable with men.  Talk about it, fight about it, then get over it.   AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!

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1 Comment

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One response to “Veiled…

  1. I feel for you. The bizarre hierarchy of women is a terrifying thing. It’s weird enough to observe it — I can’t imagine how frustrating it would be inside it.

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