I came to realize last night something very interesting – at least to me. I use television as my way to avoid my life. I find myself turning on the television and tuning out the world. It is almost an addiction. While I am not compelled to run home and turn on the television, if I do turn it on, there is no hope of getting anything done, not even interacting with my children.
My maternal grandfather’s tool of avoidance was sleep. In all of my memories of him, if there was a conflict, he was sleeping. My mother would disagree with me on the point I am about to make, but I dont’ think I am wrong. She avoids by physical distance. She doesn’t have many friends and the ones she does have, she rarely interacts with and she is never the one to make the first move.
My activity of choice is television. I might feel better about it if the programs I watch if they were educational – but they aren’t. Much of what I watch are mindless programs, many of them reruns.
What does this mean? Well, I feel the need to change. I think by addressing this issue I will feel less guilt about the type of mother I am because I would be spending more time with my children. I would also feel less stress about my house always being a mess because I would have more time to clean it. And finally, and most importantly to me right now, I would have more time for me – and right now that means exercising. I have decided not to focus on weight loss, but focus on feeling better. I want to be able to enjoy playing again.
That being said, there are a few programs that I intend to continue watching. The first is “Kid Nation.” While I don’t generally enjoy reality shows, I am very interested in this one, partly because I am a parent and partly because I am an educator that teaches students in that age range. There are other shows that I feel may be useful as a teacher and parent, particularly specials, that I will watch.
The first thing I am going to do when I get home tonight is – not watch television.