Sadness

I mentioned in my last post that there has been a lack of sexual contact with my husband.  It is something that both of us are contributing to, but I feel the need to talk about it.  I have had a miscarriage.  I feel odd saying that.  I wasn’t positive that I was pregnant at the time but started having considerable pain and other issues.  I made an appointment with my ob/gyn who informed me that I was having a miscarriage. 

I’m not sure how I feel.  My husband and I have discussed not having anymore children for two reasons.  The first is that I suffered from post-partum depression with both children and second, our financial situation is not good enough to be able to afford another child.  So, a pregnancy wouldn’t have been something that we would have been overjoyed about; however, we would not have considered anything other that having the baby and raising it as best we could. 

I can’t decide right now if I am sad because we aren’t having another baby, sad we lost a baby, or relieved we aren’t having another baby.  My husband is concerned that I’m not really showing any emotion.  I keep telling him that I can’t decide what emotion I’m having.  Does that sound strange?

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